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Im extremely giving, I would give you the shirt off my back. I hate to take from people. No matter how giving you are people
are going to accuse you of sponging if you take. I always have this constant fear somebody will judge me. That is a horrible
way to be I know. When I do hurt people I sit and I dont understand why. Its really not in my nature to hurt somebody.
I guess that is where my rebelious side comes in. I get to the point sometimes where I get way to stressed and take things
way to literally. Im either a complete joy to be around and make EVERYONE happy. Or im horrible to be around and I constantly
think everyones judgeing me. The bad side only comes out once in awhile, and its usually for good reason. I dont know why
im the way I am I guess its just me its how I was raised and built to be. I am not perfect but who the fuck is ya know?
Last year I hurt my bestfriend SO bad, and I will always hate myself for that. After I hurt her the next day she overdosed
and went into a comma. I was devistated. How could I tell her, I just hated myself. She hated me so much for over a year
because she found out what I did. She did not believe when I said I did not know WHY. I have her back now and im so happy.
I dont know if I will ever have all her trust back. But one things for a fact I will never hurt that girl for the rest of
my life she is my world and I love and adore her. She is my beautiful Karmen and I love her like nobody understands. Everybody
makes mistakes and I thank god she knows that, that is why shes my bestfriend. I always try to look good around people first
impressions mean so much to me. I guess I dont realize that maybe somebody might love me for me. I have had so many friends
and boyfriends let me down that I just dont know sometimes. There was one man named Ben. I could of married him and had
a eternal life of happiness. We were so much alike personality wise we both just did NOT want to hurt anyone. We even had
the same birthday which was WEIRD. But I just fell right into him and I loved him more than ANY woman could, and he knew
that he even told me he loved that. He still loved another woman though so I let him go gracefully. Right now hes married
with another kid besides his beautiful daughter. Believe it or not im happy for him. All I want is his happiness and THATS
love. Since Ben my life has just gotten more complicated. I guess I bottled up everything inside I wanted to deal with it
all in a graceful way. I ended up being addicted to drugs, stealing, lieing doing things that I dont wanna be. Right now
in my life I am just in a rut. I dont know what way to go. I wanna start over somewhere new. I want to be somewhere where
nobody knows the bad things about me, and I can just be myself again. I know who I am is a good person, and I've made huge
mistakes. I have learned you need to let out your feelings you cant mask them with drugs, you can steal cheat or lie! I
guess all of this is just part of growing up I dont know. I guess I would'nt take it all back. I have become a good person
because of it all I guess. One thing has not changed I still love with all my heart and live everday like its my last. Thats
all you can do. You cant look back. You just look forward. I thankgod for my amazing friend Cindy who sees life so much
like I do. She loves me and always has my back. She gets me and can laugh with me, raise hell with me and uderstand my mistakes.
I could tell her I just slept with eight men in one night and she would be like "Its cool dude" even though I would
never do that obviously. I understand her and she understands me. I can be ME when im with her and I love her so much she
is truely one of the best friends I will ever. Godbless my sweet angel Cindy Lee Hill.
My Favorites
Favorite Band or Musician: varies
Favorite TV show: reality tv
Favorite movie: non fiction movies
Favorite book: anything dave peltzer
Favorite sports team: red sox
Favorite food: chinese
*My Sweet Gyrl.*
One thing I worry about is how my baby niece looks at me. I love her so much and sometimes she really acts like she deos'nt
understand. I know I have made mistakes but I love that girl, and with her I try to do everything right. She does'nt understand
my actions sometimes. I have always been loyal to her, I just wish she would'nt judge me. I was there for her when nobody
else was. I was holding her in my arms when her world was crashing down. If she needed a lift I was there. I have never
let her down, atleast not to my knowledge. So why does she say such hurtful things to me sometimes. I guess I will never
understand. I can just imagine how she looks at me sometimes though all the problems I have, but with her I always hope she
sees the good in me. My big heart, My love for life and my family. How I see the world, How Im simple and just the smallest
things can make me happy. How Im still so full of youth how I just wanna love and be loved back! I see so much of me in
her. I just want her to be happy, healthy and live the most amazing life ever. I dont want her to make the same mistakes
I did. I want her to find love and keep love, be loyal to her friends no matter what temptations come along, and to love
herself no matter what! If I ever have a daughter I hope she is like Lauren and I hope I love her as much as I love Lauren
which I know I will. Lauren does'nt understand my mistakes, my youth or even the way I look at life but she loves me deep
down and thats why I love her so much.
*VictoriaEmily*
All I know is I live for those moments my bestfriends smile, my family appreciates me and I am achieveing something with my
life. Without the bad moments how could I grow? If life was perfect would it even be interesting? I dont think so. Live
everyday like its your last life is way to short!
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